For many years I looked at equinoxes as the epitome for balance: Day and Night share equally the twenty-four hours’ span, Light and Dark standing in equilibrium just for this one day.
Abundance and harvest celebration aside, for the past two or three years on Autumn Equinox particularly, I focused on balance. In my case, finding balance leads to cohesiveness, and the need for cohesiveness in my spiritual practice is, and always has been, a biggie.
As polytheistic pagan who draws upon combined Irish and Romanian spiritual heritages, things were complicated enough since beginnings. Not only there are multiple deities and powers involved, but there are also two different cultural currents. I reached a point where I felt like a cat tangled in yarn, and I wanted not only to find my way out of the entanglement, but also to see all those threads neatly wrapped into one single ball.
In my practice, initially, I focused on deities. I ignored the fact that since I was little fairies had decided they absolutely would play a part in my life; or that I was to play a part in their plans… Anyway. Here I am, years later, with fairies claiming not just any part, but center stage in my spiritual practice.
This last bit came relatively as a surprise. Relatively, considering that my first experiences, and my first contacts with with the Otherworld involved fairies, so it was not a one hundred percent out of the blue thing. Surprise, considering that I was focused on Irish deities, and I thought that prioritizing those was all that the Otherworld expected from me. I thought.
As I said, the Irish deities were initially at the core of my practice. When confusion and discrepancies started to seriously muddle my experiences, those deities demanded that I would endeavor to learn Irish, and truly get to know them properly. The term properly referred to studying their original cultural context, the lore from hundreds of years ago, before modernauthors reinterpreted their character traits, personalities and roles, before their original lore and folklore turned folkloresque, or plain fantasy.
I left for Ireland, with the intent to honor my gods there in their land, create a deeper connection, and gain more clarity- none of which happened while I was there, at least not in the way I expected.
What I got instead was a powerful initiatory experience that enfolded as several episodes, last of which took place at Lough Gur and Lios Gránsí (Fort of Grange), the Grange stone circle. Then and there something within me changed fundamentally and irreversibly, and I had the feeling that I was on the brink of a path with no return. The question left to ponder was whether I would take the path or not.
The trip to Ireland left me with more questions than answers together with a mandate to return- which didn’t contribute much to clarity nor made me feel particularly happy. At that point, I found myself begging for some direction, for a source of information, for a place where I could educate myself well enough to deal with the immensely powerful energies that were tossing me around like ocean waves would toss mercilessly a tiny boat.
Unexpectedly[1], I came about the Irish Pagan School[2], and learned my first two important lessons. Until then, it never occurred to me that all the authors I was reading and were not indigenous to the culture were taking liberties with mythologies and folklore which led to major distortions of the original content. No wonder that my own experiences of and with the Irish deities were no longer matching the books I had at hand.
[1] It happened two days after conducting a small full moon ritual in which I asked specifically for directions, and made the commitment to follow through no mater how difficult.
[2] Irish Pagan School is an online provider of education on authentic Irish tradition and culture led by teachers native to Ireland. Their school stands out through highest of standards, and levels of scholarship.
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Up to that point, I had persistently refused to acknowledge the need for help. I stubbornly clung on doing everything by myself, because hey, I was on this path for long enough to figure it all out independently. Right. RIGHT?? I didn’t see se enormity of my error until I took my first classes on authentic Irish lore taught by Lora O’Brien, a teacher native to the culture and dedicated to the preservation of Irish heritage. Consequently, I threw away about a third of my books on bastardized Irish myth and mutilated gods, and faced the third challenge and the lesson it carried: unlearning and decolonizing my practice.
Things that were fixed points for a long time had to be demolished, buried, and replaced by something new. I soon realized that despite all the demolition and starting anew, I actually did not waste time learning what I did in the past; that too, was a necessary part of the process. Whatever I learned over the years helped me develop useful practical skills and great study habits. I had only to employ those to learn the correct things, and redesign my whole practice.
I felt I was heading toward stability, and much coveted cohesiveness. I thought I’d settled comfortably, once and for all, on an Irish- focused pagan path, and center my practice around three deities, when my trip took a sharp left. Two deities involved in the initiatory experiences I had in Ireland, revealed their particular positions among fairies.[4] They hinted at changes that I’d had to make in my practice to honor them as part of the fairy people of Ireland.While this would have been a new path all together, its roots were running deep into my childhood years. Things looked really complicated: gods who were also of Fairy, gods who were also fairy queens and kings, plus some Powers that I didn’t really know where and how to fit into my practice while also impossible to ignore.
Overwhelmingly confusing, but at least I remembered the first two lessons. I was not supposed to kill myself in the process of figuring it all out all alone, and, I had to ask for help in a very specific and clear way. Which is exactly what I did. And exactly like the first time, few days later I stumbled upon Morgan Daimler’s books. I read “Irish Paganism” and “Fairy Witchcraft” once, then “Fairy Witchcraft” for a second time. I couldn’t put down that book where the author speaks of their own experience with Liminal Powers and fairies. Those experiences were so closely matching my own! I was thrilled. And when my ecstatic self calmed down, a faced the sobering, 'Now what?' Was I really supposed to come around full circle and arrive to the starting point, my childhood, the time when I was so, so close to the local fairies and to the undefinable yet so tangible Liminal Powers? Was this the path that I wanted to commit to? Because as I was already told, once on it there would be no return. In the years past I would have dove head down immediately because the fairy-led path is spiced up with challenges and and danger just to my taste. I chose instead to study more about Fairy Witchcraft before making any final decision. In the meantime, the right classes and books helped me acquire some sense of balance in my relationship with the Irish deities that I followed. Among those, one was known as a fairy queen, and the other one as king of fairies in Ireland. I became aware that the line between deities and fairies is not at all clear cut and my personal practice must take that into account.
With emotions running wild and adrenaline running high, I wholeheartedly agreed to work with/for them. As soon as I finished speaking, I realized that I was in fact answering their call, the call to follow a fairy-led path. I arrived exactly where they wanted me to arrive, with only a small delay of about forty-five years…
Four months later, on November 11 I officially dedicated myself to the fairy path. I continued to read and study, gnawing on every bit of material worthy of my time and effort. I joined a Fairy Witchcraft group led by a teacher I utmost trust, and I became a member of the Fairy Investigation Society, an organization lead by Dr. Richard Simon Young whose scholarship and writing I admire. I inched my way through what I saw as the last obstacle on my road to a cohesive, balanced, and sound practice that brings together both Irish and Romanian fairy heritage.
Once I had established what the two cultures have in common about fairies, I also looked carefully at what are the differences between individual fairy beings, especially the ones that I would develop close relationships with. For example, Ilena Sânziana, queen of all fairies in Romanian fairy lore, is celebrated at Midsummer. Certain offerings are made to her on that date, and medicinal herbs are gathered knowing that she and her fairies, the Sânziene, would bless those herbs. In Ireland, An Dagda is a very powerful god, good at all things, and whose cauldron of plenty will leave no one unsatisfied. His harp plays magical music, and also turns the seasons. An Dagda is also known as the king of fairies in Ireland[1]. His offerings include milk and breads, but he would not turn down a glass of beer either. Different people chose to celebrate An Dagda at various times throughout the year, and this is one example where personal experience and personal gnosis intertwine with traditional lore. So, I make space for both, and honor them separately on occasions appointed for each as well as together during the holidays where this would be appropriate.
[1] When speaking of fairy kings and queens in Ireland, it should not make one think of strict hierarchical subordination.
Finally, I’m settling into a practice where I feel belonging one hundred percent. My spiritual life feels cohesive in a way it never felt before. This peace and cohesiveness fuels now both my personal and professional life which, in turn, have become more rewarding, and better balanced.
This year I experienced the vernal equinox both as a metaphor for balance, and a celebration of the cohesiveness I’ve been striving for. In my spiritual practice, the dynamic Gods- Fairies- Liminal Powers reached a state of equilibrium. And so did I.
Bright fairy blessings, and thanks for reading,
Daniela Simina
[1] The materials that I had access back then were of very poor quality, presenting fiction as fact, or plainly making things up about Irish gods and mythology. I would mention here the work of Edain McCoy, Caitlin and John Mathews, and Robert Graves that shall be taken with more than just one grain of salt.
[2] It happened two days after conducting a small full moon ritual in which I asked specifically for directions, and made the commitment to follow through no mater how difficult.
[3] Irish Pagan School is an online provider of education on authentic Irish tradition and culture led by teachers native to Ireland. Their school stands out through highest of standards, and levels of scholarship.
[4] In the classes “Meeting the Irish Gods”, “Gods of the Tuatha Dé Dannan”, and “The Taking of Ireland” that I took at the Irish Pagan School, I became acquainted to the idea of the Irish gods being part of the the Irish fairy people, the Aos Sí. Without knowing it explicitly, my spiritual practice was already inclusive of fairies!
[5] When speaking of fairy kings and queens in Ireland, it should not make one think of strict hierarchical subordination.
