Learning from Mistakes is Growing
In a pervious post, “On Equinox, Balance and Finding Cohesiveness in Personal Practice”, I mentioned my wish to offer a sort of roadmap for those who decide to take a fairy- led path, whether having planned diligently to do so or just found themselves wondering on one. Each journey is unique, so please consider this to be more of a set of markers rather than a map per sè. If you follow, you won’t get lost, but you can also use it to find your way around in case you do get lost. Far from perfect, quite on the sketchy side, rooted in my own experiences and therefore tinted by these, this set of trail markers that I’m putting out here is a small token for all travelers on fairy-led paths who may be in need of little help to orient themselves in such terrain. And as it is the case with most of my work, this post is an offering to them, the fairies leading my own path.
Once upon a time, I wished from the bottom of my heart… no, from the depth of every cubic inch of my being, to have someone who would share all that I am about to share below. I hope you will enjoy.
1. I came to believe that I could learn about the gods and fairy lore of a culture relying exclusively on sources provenient from outside that culture. Hmmmmm…. This may sound odd, but somehow I found myself dancing with some of Irish gods, or beings whom I assumed they were gods. Then, in trying to detangle who was who and how to relate to them, I jumped at every book with the word Celtic in the title. Celtic, mind you, not even Irish. (I want to hide underneath the desk as I’m thinking of it. Anyway.) One day, I came about a teacher[1] who was adamant about the need to research thoroughly about deities and other powers, within the context of their native culture. He even mentioned about getting familiar with bits of language from the culture itself and use those to strengthen the connection. When I heard that, I paused and gasped, because few years prior to this, I had had an experience where one such power told me that I must learn her language to receive her teachings.
mythology cannot be divorced from studying the lore, folklore, and as much as possible, the culture itself, including language. But I’ll come back to language a little later.
Another important aspect that goes hand in hand with one one discussed above was learning whom to trust. I realized that I have to listen to native voices, and to the voices of those who have a real and deep connection to the culture I was interested into. I looked up authors, teachers, researchers who spend time in Ireland, who work at academic level on Irish mythology, folklore, and traditions. I also found some among foreign writers endorsed by Irish scholars themselves. Aside from reading, I began attending lectures and taking classes taught by native teachers. It was amazing.
Photo by the author, 2021
1. The richness, the freshness, the amazement that I felt while diving into this new course of study …well, it didn’t last long. The most unpleasant part of the process laid just ahead of me, and it’s called unlearning. At the Irish Pagan School, in one of her wonderful classes Lora O’Brien hammered the importance and necessity of unlearning as a process similar to uncluttering: in my desire to learn as much as I could as quickly as I could, I had accumulated a lot of pseudo-knowledge, misinformation, distorted lore material, and worst of all, appropriated material from and about Irish traditions. Oops! In order to build a personal practice properly aligned with authentic Irish tradition I had to purge an awful lot off my spiritual closet.
(I understand that not everyone has the same keen interest about connecting with Irish spirituality, I totally get it, and if this is your case, cross out the word Irish and replace it with the name of the culture that you do care about. Everything described here as part of the roadmap/process applies all the same.)
For a while I focused on taking out the trash and populate the clean space with all the lore, folklore, myth, and traditions that I could get from trustworthy sources. For those in the ‘closet cleansing’ stage you have my deepest sympathy. Unlearning can be very challenging and painful. Things that were once the cornerstones, may have to be dislodged and thrown away. When you dislodge a cornerstone, walls may crumble with it. Sadness, uncertainty, and doubt may be creeping in as the throwing out continues: be willing to undergo the process, because it is worth every bit of effort and sacrifice. Hard as it may be, don’t be afraid to reconsider some of the beliefs you hold. When the dust from the demolition begins to settle, you will get the rewarding sight of a bright horizon, and a clear space to build anew the temple, the edifice that is your personal practice. Do not mourn for all the time, effort, money spent on books, etc. It occurred to me that all the resources that I had invested into learning, albeit sometimes learning the wrong thing, were not wasted: in the process I had developed great skills and study habits which came in handy when I started from scratch.
2. If you are struggling to find the teacher that is right for you, my suggestion is to ask for assistance, support your request for help with ritual action, and then back it up with practical steps. Aim to find teachers who are well-connected with the culture that interests you and ask them directly for reliable resources. Look for someone who has the same interest in working alongside fairies, and check to see how are they doing it and from where do they get information. To this avail, check out the resources listed in the footnotes, and the group of Fairy Witchcraft https://www.facebook.com/groups/fairywitchcraft
3. I mentioned language earlier. Learning Irish has become part of my spiritual practice. It so happens that I’m madly in love with it, but preference aside, I would have engaged with Irish anyway because language is the heart and soul of a culture. A culture’s initial stories, myths, folklore, were first expressed into its language, and it is in that same language that fairy lore, names, and identity have been transmitted over time. The energetic connection established through language is very strong. Personally, I am committed to learn as much Irish as I can; which doesn’t mean that everybody should become fluent in the mother tongue of their own deities and fairies. While this would be ideal in my opinion, it may be not everyone’s cup of tea. Or glass of beer. Or whatever.
However, everyone can learn how to pronounce correctly the names of the gods, fairy queens and kings, and the name of any fairy, in the tongue of their native culture. It is important to get into the habit of using their proper names instead of the anglicized versions: denizens of the otherworld do care at least as much as we do about having the names properly pronounced. It makes sense, doesn’t it? Learn few greeting formulas and maybe few more words that you could use in ritual. I can share from my own experience that any effort in this direction is an offering they appreciate greatly. As I briefly mentioned earlier in this post and detailed in previous ones, my practice brings together Irish and Romanian fairy folk. While I am sure that both would understand English, I make space in rituals to address each in its own language to whatever extent I can accomplish this. The experience is priceless.
4. I have mentioned ritual. I am, and have always been obsessed with doing things correctly and this applies, of course, to every aspect of my practice, including ritual. For a long time, my guiding principle was “do it the right way, or don’t do it at all.” While the intent was noble, the outcome sucked and my rigid approach backfired.
I’ll use as an example my old approach to celebrating Summer Solstice. In the initial stages of figuring out who I was as a Pagan, I decided to use for my rituals a script that I had found in a neo-pagan book that I was very fond of. Modeled as it was on the wiccan approach, the ritual presented there had many steps and involved a lot of preparations. As my practice shifted in time to include Irish seasonal deities, the Fairy Queens and fairy beings associated with Summer Solstice in both in Irish and Romanian traditions, my Summer Solstice ritual turned into a burdensome cacophony. It went something like this: I’d write down the script with all the details and the steps to follow, I’d finish all the preparations, and finally begin. Focused on not saying anything wrong, not doing anything wrong, focused on not omitting anything, I had no mental space, no emotional availability, and no energy left to feel the very magic I was aiming to create. Many times I wasn’t even sure whether I truly did connect with the Powers I had invited. I caught myself on a couple of occasions just wanting the ‘celebration’ to be over.
I thought of the magic I felt casually, outside the ritual, in those moments when I would address the powers using plain and simple words streaming directly from my heart. I used to question that simplicity and wonder, if ritual it’s not done ‘by the book’, is it still witchy enough, magical enough, and most importantly, powerful enough? I tried to think objectively, and asked myself why was I doing ritual work in first place? What was actually important for the Power that I honored? What was it that the fairies themselves would have wanted to receive through my ritual actions? I recognized that everything pointed toward the need to simplify, to integrate just enough elements from all traditions involved while mindful about creating redundancies. I did not have to bring in everything; I only needed to bring in what was truly relevant, heartfelt, and authentic.
So, from then on, I ceased clinging onto the formula in the book, and stopped doing Procustean bed[3] style rituals where everything had to fit the 13 prescribed steps. I experimented, I let go of any preconceived idea of how rituals should look like. I peeled away all the extras and settled into doing things that were heartfelt and one hundred percent authentic to my beliefs.
1. The next point that I would like to address is fairies’ interest in partnering up with humans. Occasionally, fairies will make it clear that they are interested in a certain person. Some among practitioners of energy work, witches- who are also practitioners of energy work, really- seem to get fairies’ attention. Don’t get too excited too quickly about this: entering such a relationship is a most serious decision and should be considered carefully. In order to make an informed decision, read all you can read about the fairies in the culture that you are interested in. Before expanding and styling your work around more modern ideas surrounding fairies, study the original lore. There is no substitute for this step, no shortcut, nothing. Period. Once you are solidly connected to the authentic lore and culture, and once you have an objective understanding of the modern trends in fairy practice, use can your own discernment to build your personal path and practice.
I shall add that when fairies, no matter the culture, take interest in a human, they won’t give up easily. If you decide to refuse, do so politely. Think of how would you turn away a proposal that you don’t feel inclined to follow without offending the proposing party. After a while you may be left alone, or as it happened in my case, ‘persuaded’ to give in. If you decide to give in, then be prepared for a wild, exhilarating, dangerous, difficult, and immensely rewarding ride. Best finding a mentor and a closely knit group of people for companions. While not everyone approaches fairy work in the exact same way, and not everyone has the exact same experience of fairies, those called to a fairy-led path can support each other on the journey.
1. Last but not least, your personal practice shall support your everyday life, and your everyday life should be the backdrop for your practice. Fairy faith it’s not something that you keep in a closet surrounded with mothballs, something that you take out and wear on special occasions only. Instead, your fairy faith-based practice is meant for every small or big occurrence in daily life. It can be as simple as pouring a sip of milk and asking for a blessing from the fairies prior to an exam, using some herbs-infused oil blessed by your fairy allies to anoint a child’s forehead at bedtime for good sleep and overnight protection, and lighting up some incense explicitly for Them as an offering of friendship and gratitude[4].
2. This should go without saying: never stop learning. This too, is an offering that fairies appreciate a lot.
Until next time, bright fairy blessings and thank you for reading,
Daniela
[1] Christopher Penczack, Temple of Witchcraft
[2] The Celtic tribes did not form a unified people; they were scattered all over Europe. They did not call themselves Celts but the term, coined by the Greeks who called the people outside their own Greek culture keltoi, was used by modern scholars to define these groups who shared loose linguistic elements and beliefs. Irish culture is one of the Celtic languages speaking cultures; not all Celtic languages speaking cultures are Irish.
[4] Offerings is a way to express gratitude as well as to propitiate good relationships with fairies. Offerings can consist of milk, butter, bread, fresh water, honey, fresh fruit, incense. Reading a poem, writing something for Them, dedicating a course of study to Them are also good offerings. More on offerings in a future post.
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