Learning from Mistakes is Growing
Photo by Daniela Simina, 2020
In a pervious post, “On Equinox, Balance and Finding Cohesiveness in Personal Practice”, I mentioned my wish to offer a sort of roadmap for those pursuing a fairy-led path, whether by their own deliberate choic or just found themselves wondering on one. Each journey is unique, so please think of this as a set of trail markers rather than a map per sè. Far from perfect, rooted as it is in my own experiences and therefore colored by these, this set of trail markers is an attempt I make to assist all travelers on fairy-led paths in whatever small way I can. If any bit of this proves useful, I am going to very, very glad.
I came to believe that I could learn about the gods and fairy lore of a culture relying exclusively on sources provenient from outside that culture. There was a time in my life , thankfully long, long ago, when I jumped at every book with the word Celtic in the title. Celtic, mind you, not even Irish. (I want to hide underneath the desk as I’m thinking of it. Anyway.) One day, I came about a teacher[1] who was adamant about the need to research thoroughly about deities and other powers, within the context of their native culture. He even mentioned about getting familiar with bits of language from the culture itself and use those to strengthen the connection. When I heard that, I paused and gasped because few years prior, I had had an experience with one particular spirit being who told me that I must learn her language to understand her teachings.
I stopped looking up books about so-called ‘Celtic culture' , and refocused instead on the ones on Irish mythology. I begun to realize that the teacher was right. The powers, gods and ungods that I wanted to learn about had to be analyzed in the context of their native mythology. Which meant no shortcuts, no buying into fabricated, mishmash robot portraits of the Irish gods on flashy websites of dubious quality. It also dawned on me that the study of mythology cannot be divorced from studying the old, modern and contempoary lore and folklore. I realized the neccessity to learn as much as possible about the culture itself, including getting familiar with the language. But I’ll come back to language a little later.
Another important aspect that goes hand in hand with one one discussed above was discernment about who to trust. I understood that I should listen to the voices of those who have a real and deep connection to the culture I was interested in, Irish in this case. In looking up authors and teachers dedicated to the study of Irish mythology, folklore and traditions I followed those who balance the esoteric and academic points of view. I did a lot of reading, but also began attending lectures and classes.
Photo by the author, 2021
The richness, the freshness, the amazement that I felt while diving into this new course of study, well, it didn’t last long. The most unpleasant part of the process, the unlearning or decluttering phase, laid just ahead of me and it’s called unlearning. Over the years, I had accumulated a lot of pseudo-knowledge, fanatsy passed around as genuine belief or practice, all kinds of misinformation and distorted lore. In order to build a personal practice which properly aligned with other cultural traditions yet authentic to me, a spiritual seeker living in the twentifirst centurey, I had to purge an awful lot from my spiritual closet.
For everyone going through ‘closet cleansing,’ you have my deepest sympathy. Unlearning can be very challenging and painful. Things that were once cornerstones may have to be dislodged and thrown away. When you dislodge a cornerstone, entire walls from the old edifice might crumble. Sadness, uncertainty, and doubt may be creeping because we get atteched to things that we have been doing or believeing in for long time. Be willing to undergo the process because the outcame is worth every bit of effort and what now feels like sacrifice. Hard as it may be, don’t be afraid to reconsider some of the beliefs you hold. When the dust from the demolition begins to settle, you will get the rewarding sight of a bright horizon, and a clear space to build anew the edifice that is your personal practice. Do not mourn all the time, effort, money spent on books, supplies etc. It occurred to me that all the resources that I had invested, were not wasted: in the process of ingagig with that large assortment of materials abd teachers I developed skills and study habits which came in handy when I started from scratch. I also developped the ability to spot good sources, whether books, blogs, courses and teachers which in thelong run saved me time, money and effort.
If you are struggling to find the teacher that is right for you, my suggestion is to ask for assistance from your spirit guides, support your request for help with ritual action and then back it up with practical steps. Aim to find teachers who are well-connected with the culture that interests you and ask them directly on their social media or any channels teachers thmeselves indicate you can do that. (Do not intrude with emails or private messages if you did not get an explicit permission from a teacher to do so!) Look for groups of peolpe who share your in interest in working alongside fairies. You may have to cast your net wider at first, and in time, you will find out where do you belong. To this avail, check out the resources listed in the footnotes, and the group of Fairy Witchcraft https://www.facebook.com/groups/fairywitchcraft I mentioned earlier about learning the language spoken in a certain culture that interests you. Learning Irish has become part of my spiritual practice. It so happens that I’m madly in love with it, but preference aside, I would have engaged with Irish anyway because language is the heart and soul of a culture. A culture’s stories, myths, folklore, were first expressed into its language, and it is in that same language that fairy lore, names, and identity have been transmitted over time. The energetic connection established through language is very strong. Personally, I am committed to learn as much Irish as I can; which doesn’t mean that everybody should become fluent in the mother tongue of their own deities and fairies. While this would be ideal in my opinion, it may be not everyone’s cup of tea. Or glass of beer. Or milk.
However, everyone can learn how to pronounce correctly the names of the gods, fairy queens and kings, and the name of any fairy, in the tongue of their culture of origination. It is important to get into the habit of using their proper names instead of the anglicized versions: denizens of the otherworld do care at least as much as we do about having the names properly pronounced. Learn few greeting formulas and maybe few other words that you could use in ritual. I can share from my own experience that any effort in this direction is an offering They appreciate greatly. As I briefly mentioned earlier in this post and detailed in previous ones, my practice brings together Irish, Norse and Romanian fairy folk. While I am sure that everyone would understand English, I make space in rituals to address each in its own language to whatever extent I can accomplish this. To me, the resulting experience is priceless.
I have mentioned ritual. I am, and have always been obsessed with doing things correctly and this applies, of course, to every aspect of my practice, including ritual. For a long time, my guiding principle was “do it the right way, or don’t do it at all.” While the intent was noble, the outcome sucked and my rigid approach backfired.
I’ll use as an example my old approach to celebrating Summer Solstice. In the initial stages of figuring out my own Pagan identity, I decided to use for my rituals a script that I had found in a neo-pagan book that I was very fond of. Modeled as it was on the wiccan approach, the ritual presented there had many steps and involved a lot of preparations. As my practice shifted in time to include Irish seasonal deities, the Fairy Queens and fairy beings associated with Summer Solstice in both in Irish and Romanian traditions, my Summer Solstice ritual turned into a burdensome cacophony. It went something like this: I’d write down the script with all the details and the steps to follow, I’d finish all the preparations, and finally begin. Focused on not saying anything wrong, not doing anything wrong, focused on not omitting anything, I had no mental space, no emotional availability, and no energy left to feel the very magic I was aiming to create. Many times I wasn’t even sure whether I truly did connect with the Powers I had invited. I caught myself on a couple of occasions just wanting the ‘celebration’ to be over.
I thought of the magic I felt casually, outside any ritual, in those moments when I would address the Powers in plain and simple words streaming from my heart. I used to question that simplicity and wonder, if ritual it’s not done ‘by the book’, is it still witchy enough, magical enough, and most importantly, powerful enough? I tried to think objectively, and asked myself why was I doing ritual work in first place? What was actually important in the ritual for the Power that I honored? What did They want? What would have fairies themselves wanted to receive? Everything pointed toward the need to simplify, to integrate just enough elements from all traditions involved yet mindful about creating redundancies. I did not have to squeeze in everything, only include what was truly relevant, heartfelt and authentic to Them and to myself.
From that point on, I ceased clinging onto the formula in the book and stopped doing Procustean bed style rituals where everything had to fit the 13 prescribed steps. I experimented, I let go of any preconceived idea of how rituals should look like. I peeled away all the extras, and settled into doing things that were heartfelt and authentic to my beliefs. Samhain altar. Photo by the author, 2021
I encountered likeminded people and discovered that I wasn’t the only one confronted with dilemmas in my practice. I stopped being afraid of seeing, feeling, and doing things a little bit different than prescribed recipes. I catered to the essential instead of the trappings surrounding the essential. I have finally felt at home in my rituals. To be clear, I haven’t lowered my standards, I’ve grown and my practice reflects this growth. I still abide to the principle “do everything correctly or don’t do it at all,” but my definition of doing things correctly has changed to “keep things simple and meaningful, whatever these mean for you and those whom you are honoring.”
The next point that I would like to address is fairies’ interest in partnering up with humans. Occasionally, fairies will make it clear that they are interested in a certain person. Some peole seem to get fairies’ attention without even trying. Don’t get too excited too quickly because entering such a relationship is a very serious decision and should be considered carefully. In order to make an informed decision, read all you can read about fairies within specific cultural context. Before expanding and styling your work around more modern ideas surrounding fairies, study the original lore. There is no substitute for this step, no shortcut. Period. Once you are solidly connected to the authentic lore and culture, and once you have an objective understanding of the modern trends in fairy practice, use can your own discernment to build your personal path and practice.
I shall add that when fairies, no matter the culture, take interest in a human, they won’t give up easily. If you decide to refuse enetering partnerships with Them, do so politely. Think of how would you turn away a proposal that you don’t feel inclined to follow without offending the proposing party. After a while you may be left alone, or as it happened in my case, ‘persuaded’ to give in. If you decide to give in, then be prepared for a wild, exhilarating, dangerous, difficult, and immensely rewarding ride. It is best to find a mentor and a closely knit group of people for companions. While not everyone approaches fairy work in the exact same way, and not everyone has the exact same experience of fairies, those called to a fairy-led path can support each other on the journey.
Last but not least, your personal practice shall support your everyday life, and your everyday life should be the backdrop for your practice. Fairy faith it’s not something that you keep in a closet with mothballs on top, something that you take out and wear on special occasions only. Instead, your fairy faith-based practice is meant for every small or big occurrence in daily life, and show up as small but meaningful acts. It can be as simple as pouring a sip of milk and asking for a blessing from the fairies prior to an exam, using some herbs-infused oil blessed by your fairy allies to anoint a child’s forehead at bedtime for good sleep and overnight protection, and lighting up some incense explicitly for Them as an offering of friendship and gratitude.
It should go without saying, never stop learning. This too, is an offering that fairies appreciate a lot.
Until next time, fairy blessings and thank you for reading,
Daniela
[3] Procustes is a fictional Greek king who had a bed where he’s get all his guests go to sleep. However, Procustes would stretch the ones who were too short and cut the legs of those who were too tall, insisting to bring everyone to the perfect size befitting his bed and his standards.
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